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 Ambrose Bierce Quotes
108 Famous Quotes by Ambrose Bierce
6/24/1842 - (Present)
Also Known As:  
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce     Bitter Bierce
Professions:  
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About Ambrose Bierce

Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.

Women Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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Age--that period of life in which we compound for the vices that we still cherish by reviling those that we no longer have the enterprise to commit.

Age Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary, patriotism is defined as the last refuge of a scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer, I beg to submit that it is the first.

Patriotism Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to have, and is deprived of nothing except what was justly his due.

Compromise Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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BOUNDARY, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of the other.

Geography Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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PRELATE, n. A church officer having a superior degree of holiness and a fat preferment. One of Heaven's aristocracy. A gentleman of God.

Holiness Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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A prejudice is a vagrant opinion without visible means of support.

Prejudice Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.

Sports Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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Acquaintance is a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor and obscure, and intimate when he is rich and famous.

Acquaintance Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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A bride is a woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

Brides Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn."Eat arsenic? Yes, all you get," Consenting, he did speak up;"'Tis better you should eat it, pet, Than put it in my teacup." --Joel Huck

Cosmetics Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else.

Electricity Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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Electricity seems destined to play a most important part in the arts and industries. The question of its economical application to some purposes is still unsettled, but experiment has already proved that it will propel a street car better than a gas

Electricity Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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FINANCE, n. The art or science of managing revenues and resources for the best advantage of the manager. The pronunciation of this word with the i long and the accent on the first syllable is one of America's most precious discoveries and possessions.

Finance Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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Income is the natural and rational gauge and measure of respectability.

Income Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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Infidel: In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one who does

Infidelity Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was once more common than it is now. Arasthus tells of a peasant who was occupied by a different devil for every day in the week, and on Sundays by two. They were frequently seen, always walking in his shadow, when he had one, but were finally driven away by the village notary, a holy man; but they took the peasant with them, for he vanished utterly. A devil thrown out of a woman by the Archbishop of Rheims ran through the trees, pursued by a hundred persons, until the open country was reached, where by a leap higher than a church spire he escaped into a bird. A chaplain in Cromwell's army exorcised a soldier's obsessing devil by throwing the soldier into the water, when the devil came to the surface. The soldier, unfortunately, did not.

Obsessions Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited.

Saints Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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Self-denial is indulgence of a propensity to forego

Self-denial Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.

Sleep Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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Tenacity is a certain quality of the human hand in its relation to the coin of the realm. It attains its highest development in the hand of authority and is considered a serviceable equipment for a career in politics.

Tenacity Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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Tariff: a scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer

Trade Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

Misfortune Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Misses (Mrs.) and Mister (Mr.) are the three most distinctly disagreeable words in the language, in sound and sense. Two are corruptions of Mistress, the other of Master. If we must have them, let us be consistent and give one to the unmarried man. I venture to suggest Mush, abbreviated to MH.

Names Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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A pessimist asked God for relief. "Ah, you wish me to restore your hope and cheerfulness," said God. "No," replied the petitioner, "I wish you to create something that would justify them." "The world is all created," said God, "but you have overlooked something - the mortality of the optimist.

Pessimism Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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