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 Ambrose Bierce Quotes
108 Famous Quotes by Ambrose Bierce
6/24/1842 - (Present)
Also Known As:  
Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce     Bitter Bierce
Professions:  
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About Ambrose Bierce

REPENTANCE, n. The faithful attendant and follower of Punishment. It is usually manifest in a degree of reformation that is not inconsistent with continuity of sin.

Repentance Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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FUNERAL, n. A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.

Undertakers Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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VALOR, n. A soldierly compound of vanity, duty and the gambler's hope.

Valor Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the Southern States the word is unknown. (See DAMYANK.)

Yankee Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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ZEAL, n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth before a sprawl.

Zeal Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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ZOOLOGY, n. The science and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly ("Musca maledicta"). The father of Zoology was Aristotle, as is universally conceded, but the name of its mother has not come down to us.

Zoology Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

Weddings Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.

Women Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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WRATH, n. Anger of a superior quality and degree, appropriate to exalted characters and momentous occasions; as, "the wrath of God," "the day of wrath," etc. . . .

Wrath Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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Politics is the conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

Politics / government Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.

Politics / government Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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Age--that period of life in which we compound for the vices that we still cherish by reviling those that we no longer have the enterprise to commit.

Age Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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Advice: the smallest current coin.

Advice / experience / wisdom Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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History: An account, mostly false, of events unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves, and soldiers mostly fools.

History Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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Mythology: the body of a primitive people's beliefs, concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deitits and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.

History Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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Christian: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbors.

Christianity Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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Acquaintance: a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous.

Friendship Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.

Art and artists Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of a remarkable Christian forbearance among men.

Boys Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.

Business Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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Calamities are of two kinds. Misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

Calamity Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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To be positive: to be mistaken at the top of one's voice.

Certainty Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

Computer / technology / science Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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One who is in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.

Cowardice Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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A cynic is a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, and not as they ought to be.

Cynic Quotes, by Ambrose Bierce

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