Bill Maher Quotes, Quotations, and Sayings

20 Famous Quotes by Bill Maher
[1-20] 
“He had no further intercourse with Spirits, but lived upon the Total Abstinence Principle, ever afterwards; and it was always said of him, that he knew how to keep Christmas well, if any man alive possessed the knowledge”
Abstinence Quotes
“You are what you do. It’s about actions.”
Actions Quotes
“I have a high state of resentment for the conformity in this country. If you're not married and having children, it's like your life is empty or you're a communist meanie.”
Conformity Quotes
“Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.”
Disease Quotes
“Stop worrying. Hollywood won’t turn your daughter into a nymphomaniac or get her hooked on drugs... I will.”
Hollywood Quotes
“When we talk about values, I think of rationality in solving problems. That’s something I value. Fairness, kindness, generosity, tolerance. When they talk about values, they’re talking about things like going to church, voting for Bush, being loyal to Jesus, praying. These are not values.”
Kindness Quotes
“Men are only as loyal as their options.”
Opinions Quotes
“Suicide is man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me - I quit."”
Suicide Quotes
“When we talk about values, I think of rationality in solving problems. That’s something I value. Fairness, kindness, generosity, tolerance. When they talk about values, they’re talking about things like going to church, voting for Bush, being loyal to Jesus, praying. These are not values.”
Values Quotes
“The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs.”
Religion / beliefs Quotes
“In New York now, they have Harvey Milk High School for gay students. They don't have much of a football team, but the half-time show . . .”
Miscellaneous Quotes
“Whenever the people are for gay marriage or medical marijuana or assisted suicide, suddenly the "will of the people" goes out the window.”
Miscellaneous Quotes
“When we talk about values, I think of rationality in solving problems. That’s something I value. Fairness, kindness, generosity, tolerance. When they talk about values, they’re talking about things like going to church, voting for Bush, being loyal to Jesus, praying. These are not values.”
Miscellaneous Quotes
“The House okayed the gasoline tax cut, which will increase the deficit, line the pockets of the oil companies, and hurt the environment; Dole said that if there was just some way this could interfere with people's sex lives, it would be perfect legislation.”
Miscellaneous Quotes
“We have been the cowards lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building, say what you want about it, it's not cowardly.”
Miscellaneous Quotes
“Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you know, to send the right message to kids.”
Miscellaneous Quotes
“The true Axis of Evil in America is the genius of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people.”
Miscellaneous Quotes
“Iraq now says that it will, after all, destroy its missiles. President Bush said, 'Please, I used to pull the same trick. There'd be an intervention, I'd make a big show of pouring out the liquor and then there was a case under the floorboards.'”
Miscellaneous Quotes
“This has been a learning experience for me. I also thought that privacy was something we were granted in the Constitution. I have learned from this when in fact the word privacy does not appear in the Constitution.”
Miscellaneous Quotes
“The Clinton White House today said they would start to give national security and intelligence briefings to George Bush. I don't know how well this is working out. Today after the first one Bush said, 'I've got one question: What color is the red phone?'”
Miscellaneous Quotes
[1-20]