World Of Quotes

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 Dave Barry Quotes
69 Famous Quotes by Dave Barry
7/3/1947 - (Present)
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About Dave Barry

Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.

Electricity Quotes, by Dave Barry

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Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.

Fishing Quotes, by Dave Barry

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Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

Football Quotes, by Dave Barry

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The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitution - "to spew out paper."

Government Quotes, by Dave Barry

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Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.

Holidays Quotes, by Dave Barry

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Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks

Internet Quotes, by Dave Barry

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While you are destroying your mind watching the worthless, brain-rotting drivel on TV, we on the Internet are exchanging, freely and openly, the most uninhibited, intimate and, yes, shocking details about our "CONFIG.SYS" settings.

Internet Quotes, by Dave Barry

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The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.

Internet Quotes, by Dave Barry

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What, exactly, is the internet? Basically it is a global network exchanging digitized data in such a way that any computer, anywhere, that is equipped with a device called a 'modem', can make a noise like a duck choking on a kazoo

Internet Quotes, by Dave Barry

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Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

Inventions Quotes, by Dave Barry

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We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective.

Journalism Quotes, by Dave Barry

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Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot masturbate

Meetings Quotes, by Dave Barry

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People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

People Quotes, by Dave Barry

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You can say any fool thing to a dog, and the dog will give you this look that says, `My God, you're RIGHT! I NEVER would've thought of that!'

Pets Quotes, by Dave Barry

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Politicians are like diapers. They both need changing regularly and for the same reason.

Politicians Quotes, by Dave Barry

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Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

Popularity Quotes, by Dave Barry

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A Mission Statement is a dense slab of words that a large organization produces when it needs to establish that its workers are not just sitting around downloading Internet porn

Pornography Quotes, by Dave Barry

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The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Problems Quotes, by Dave Barry

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The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about the job that makes it worth revealing, on national television, that you have the ethical standards of a slime-coated piece of industrial waste?

Questioning Quotes, by Dave Barry

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The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Religion Quotes, by Dave Barry

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People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

Religion Quotes, by Dave Barry

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Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.

Science Quotes, by Dave Barry

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It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Science Quotes, by Dave Barry

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Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.

Scientists Quotes, by Dave Barry

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And computers are getting smarter all the time: scientists tell us that soon they will be able to talk to us. (By they I mean computers: I doubt scientists will ever be able to talk to us.)

Scientists Quotes, by Dave Barry

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