| 69 Famous Quotes by Dave Barry
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“We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it”
America and americans Quotes |
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“Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the progress that has been made in the last 30 years, many foreign people still speak in foreign languages”
America and americans Quotes |
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“We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it”
Nations Quotes |
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“You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.”
Youth Quotes |
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“The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.”
African american Quotes |
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“American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.”
America and americans Quotes |
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“I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.”
Arguments Quotes |
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“The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning "ability to," and bics, meaning "withstand tremendous boredom”
Boredom Quotes |
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“Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.”
Camping Quotes |
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“The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.”
Camping Quotes |
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“My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.”
Chess Quotes |
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“Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the progress that has been made in the last 30 years, many foreign people still speak in foreign languages”
Comedy Quotes |
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“It is a good idea to "shop around" before you settle on a doctor. Ask about the condition of his Mercedes. Ask about the competence of his mechanic. Don't be shy! After all, you're paying for it.”
Competence Quotes |
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“A thunderstorm is God's way of saying you spend too much time in front of the computer”
Computers Quotes |
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“The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery.”
Democracy Quotes |
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“Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear”
Dogs Quotes |
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“We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires.”
Electricity Quotes |
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“Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.”
Electricity Quotes |
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“Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.”
Fishing Quotes |
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“Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.”
Football Quotes |
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“If you asked me to name the three scariest threats facing the human race, I would give the same answer that most people would: nuclear war, global warming and Windows.”
Global warming Quotes |
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“The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitution - "to spew out paper."”
Government Quotes |
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“Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.”
Holidays Quotes |
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“If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings”
Humanity Quotes |
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“Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night”
Humor Quotes |
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Dave Barry Quotes, Quotations, and Sayings
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