World Of Quotes

Quotes, Sayings, and Proverbs
 George Carlin Quotes
30 Famous Quotes by George Carlin
5/12/1937 - 6/22/2008
Also Known As:  
George Denis Patrick Carlin     ????     Georgie Porgie
Professions:  
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About George Carlin

Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.

Umbrellas Quotes, by George Carlin

5 out of 5 stars
1 votes

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.

Addiction Quotes, by George Carlin

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1 votes

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

Death and dying Quotes, by George Carlin

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I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good Amercian because I like to form my own opionions.

Independence Quotes, by George Carlin

2 out of 5 stars
2 votes

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

Separation Quotes, by George Carlin

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I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

Nations Quotes, by George Carlin

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The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity

Advertising Quotes, by George Carlin

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Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck

Alcohol Quotes, by George Carlin

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I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

Authority Quotes, by George Carlin

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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

Belief Quotes, by George Carlin

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I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

Church Quotes, by George Carlin

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I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

Doctors Quotes, by George Carlin

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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

Driving Quotes, by George Carlin

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Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac

Driving Quotes, by George Carlin

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Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who would be willing to test any drug they could come up with

Drugs Quotes, by George Carlin

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The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is

Euphemisms Quotes, by George Carlin

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I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good Amercian because I like to form my own opionions.

Free thinking Quotes, by George Carlin

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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things

Humor Quotes, by George Carlin

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I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose

Libraries Quotes, by George Carlin

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When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse

Possibility Quotes, by George Carlin

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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.

Singers and singing Quotes, by George Carlin

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Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider!

Stupidity Quotes, by George Carlin

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People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think

Thinking Quotes, by George Carlin

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I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good Amercian because I like to form my own opionions.

Thinking Quotes, by George Carlin

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Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that big hammer slams it on the head of the person who lost the most money that day

Trade Quotes, by George Carlin

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