| 30 Famous Quotes by George Carlin
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“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.”
Nations Quotes |
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“Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.”
Addiction Quotes |
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“The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity”
Advertising Quotes |
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“Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck”
Alcohol Quotes |
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“I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.”
Authority Quotes |
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“Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.”
Belief Quotes |
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“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.”
Church Quotes |
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“Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.”
Death and dying Quotes |
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“I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.”
Doctors Quotes |
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“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
Driving Quotes |
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“Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac”
Driving Quotes |
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“Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who would be willing to test any drug they could come up with”
Drugs Quotes |
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“The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is”
Euphemisms Quotes |
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“I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good Amercian because I like to form my own opionions.”
Free thinking Quotes |
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“Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things”
Humor Quotes |
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“I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good Amercian because I like to form my own opionions.”
Independence Quotes |
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“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose”
Libraries Quotes |
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“When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse”
Possibility Quotes |
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“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.”
Separation Quotes |
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“I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.”
Singers and singing Quotes |
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“Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider!”
Stupidity Quotes |
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“People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think”
Thinking Quotes |
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“I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good Amercian because I like to form my own opionions.”
Thinking Quotes |
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“Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that big hammer slams it on the head of the person who lost the most money that day”
Trade Quotes |
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“May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.”
Evil Quotes |
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George Carlin Quotes, Quotations, and Sayings
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