World Of Quotes

Quotes, Sayings, and Proverbs
 Jack Handey Quotes
29 Famous Quotes by Jack Handey
2/25/1949 - (Present)
Professions:  
Information:  
About Jack Handey

Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing.

Humor Quotes, by Jack Handey

3 out of 5 stars
6 votes

Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.

Humor Quotes, by Jack Handey

3 out of 5 stars
5 votes

To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, 'Hey, can you give me a hand?' you can say, 'Sorry, got these sacks.'

Humor Quotes, by Jack Handey

3 out of 5 stars
3 votes

Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.

Humor Quotes, by Jack Handey

3 out of 5 stars
3 votes