Jack Handey Quotes, Quotations, and Sayings

29 Famous Quotes by Jack Handey
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“Many people think that history is a dull subject. Dull? Is it 'dull' that Jesse James once got bitten on the forehead by an ant, and at first it didn't seem like anything, but then the bite got worse and worse, so he went to a doctor in town, and the secretary told him to wait, so he sat down and waited, and waited, and waited, and waited, and then finally he got to see the doctor, and the doctor put some salve on it? You call that dull?”
Humor Quotes
“Martha was watching the football game with me when she said, 'You know, most of these sports are based on the idea of one group protecting its territory from invasion by another group.' 'Yeah,' I said, trying not to laugh. Girls are funny.”
Sports:football Quotes
“To me, Judo is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers knock each other down.”
Judo Quotes
“I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.”
Life Quotes
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