Mark Twain (pseudonym of Samuel Langhorne Clemens) Quotes, Quotations, and Sayings

15 Famous Quotes by Mark Twain (pseudonym of Samuel Langhorne Clemens)
[1-15] 
“Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.”
Breeding Quotes
Source: Notebooks
“Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.”
Example Quotes
Source: Pudd'nhead Wilson (ch. 19)
“He was a very inferior farmer when he first begun . . . and he is now fast rising from affluence to poverty.”
Agriculture Quotes
Source: Rev. Henry Ward Beecher's Farm
“Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.”
Cleanliness Quotes
Source: A Curious Dream, "Facts concerning the Recent Resignation"
“There's plenty of boys that will come hankering and gruvvelling around when you've got an apple, and beg the core off you; but when they're got one, and you beg for the core, and remind them how you give them a core one time, they take a mouth at you, and say thank you 'most to death, but there ain't a-going to be no core.”
Apples Quotes
Source: Tom Sawyer Abroad (ch. I)
“All kings is mostly rapscallions.”
Royalty Quotes
Source: The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (ch. 23)
“All the territorial possessions of all the political establishments in the earth--including America, of course-- consist of pilferings from other people's wash. No tribe, howsoever insignificant, and no nation, howsoever mighty occupies a foot of land that was not stolen.”
Countries Quotes
Source: Following the Equator
“Lump the whole thing! say that the Creator made Italy from designs by Michel Angelo!”
Italy Quotes
Source: The Innocents Abroad (ch. 27)
“The two Great Unknowns, the two Illustrious Conjecturabilities! They are the best known unknown persons that have ever drawn breath upon the planet. (the Devil and Shakespeare.)”
Worth Quotes
Source: Shakespeare Dead? (ch. III)
“There are several good protections against temptations, but the surest is cowardice.”
Temptation Quotes
Source: Following the Equator (ch. 36)
“Modesty antedates clothes and will be resumed when clothes are no more. Modesty died when clothes were born. Modesty died when false modesty was born.”
Modesty Quotes
Source: Memoranda (vol. III, p. 1513), in Paine's "Biography of Mark Twain"
“They spell it Vinci and pronounce it Vinchy; foreigners always spell better than they pronounce.”
Spelling Quotes
Source: The Innocents Abroad (ch. 19)
“Conductor, when you receive a fare, Punch in the presence of the passenjare. A blue trip slip for an eight-cent fare, A buff trip slip for a six-cent fare, A pink trip slip for a three-cent fare, Punch in the presence of the passenjare! Punch, brothers! punch with care! Punch in the presence of the passenjare!”
Nonsense Quotes
Source: Punch, Brothers, Punch, used in "Literary Nightmare"
“It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the heart: the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you.”
Sadness Quotes
Source: Following the Equator (ch. 45)
“All the territorial possessions of all the political establishments in the earth--including America, of course-- consist of pilferings from other people's wash. No tribe, howsoever insignificant, and no nation, howsoever mighty occupies a foot of land that was not stolen.”
Land Quotes
Source: Following the Equator