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I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
Topic: Death / Immortality
Source: None
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All say, "How hard it is that we have to die" - a strange complaint to come from the mouths of people who have had to live.
Topic: Death / Immortality
Source: None
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Let us endeavor to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
Topic: Death / Immortality
Source: None
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Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.
Topic: Deceit
Source: None
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Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.
Topic: Deceit
Source: None
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When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.
Topic: Deceit
Source: None
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The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.
Topic: Difference
Source: None
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The principle of give and take is the principle of diplomacy--give one and take ten.
Topic: Diplomacy
Source: None
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If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
Topic: Dogs
Source: None
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Be careless in your dress if you must, but keep a tidy soul.
Topic: Dress
Source: None
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An ecstasy is a thing that will not go into words; it feels like music.
Topic: Ecstacy
Source: None
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There is nothing training cannot do. Nothing is above its reach. It can turn bad morals to good; it can destroy bad principles and recreate good ones; it can lift men to angelship. -Mark Twain.
Topic: Education
Source: None
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I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
Topic: Education
Source: None
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Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.
Topic: Emotion`
Source: None
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The first half of life consists of the capacity to enjoy without the chance; the last half consists of the chance without the capacity.
Topic: Enjoyment
Source: None
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A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
Topic: Experience
Source: None
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When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
Topic: Experience
Source: None
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You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Topic: Eyes
Source: None
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Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.
Topic: Facts
Source: None
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Familiarity breeds contempt; and children.
Topic: Familiarity
Source: None
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Familiarity breeds contempt--and children.
Topic: Familiarity
Source: None
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Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.
Topic: Fiction
Source: None
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Let us be thankful for the fools; but for them the rest of us could not succeed.
Topic: Flattery
Source: None
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You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Topic: Focus
Source: None
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Fortune knocks at every man's door once in a life, but in a good many cases the man is in a neighboring saloon and does not hear her.
Topic: Fortune
Source: None
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The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
Topic: General Sayings
Source: None
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Satan hasn't a single salaried helper; the Opposition employ a million.
Topic: God
Source: None
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It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
Topic: Golf
Source: None
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If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
Topic: Gratitude
Source: None
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Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.
Topic: Habit
Source: None
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To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times.
Topic: Health
Source: None
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The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. thanks to Alan Bennett -Mark Twain.
Topic: Health
Source: None
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Heaven goes by favor; if it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
Topic: Heaven
Source: None
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The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice.
Topic: History
Source: None
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History teaches us that whenever a weak and ignorant people possess a thing which a strong and enlightened people want, it must be yielded up peaceably.
Topic: History
Source: None
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There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce.
Topic: Humanity
Source: None
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The so-called human race.
Topic: Humanity
Source: None
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Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.
Topic: Humor
Source: None
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All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
Topic: Ignorance
Source: None
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Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.
Topic: Illusion
Source: None
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You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Topic: Imagination
Source: None
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It takes your enemy and your friend, working together to hurt you to the heart; the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you.
Topic: Injury
Source: None
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When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
Topic: Intellect
Source: None
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I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.
Topic: Intelligence
Source: None
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We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read.
Topic: Justice
Source: None
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Only kings, editors, and people with tapeworm have the right to use the editorial "we."
Topic: Kings
Source: None
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All I say is, kings is kings, and you got to make allowances. Take them all around, they're a mighty ornery lot. It's the way they're raised.
Topic: Kings
Source: None
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The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
Topic: Laughter
Source: None
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I can't do literary work for the rest of this year because I'm meditating another lawsuit and looking around for a defendant.
Topic: Law
Source: None
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Never let formal education get in the way of your learning.
Topic: Learning
Source: None
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