Stephen Wright Quotes, Quotations, and Sayings

14 Famous Quotes by Stephen Wright
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“I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.”
Automobiles Quotes
“My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.”
Babies Quotes
“If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?”
Cats Quotes
“I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.”
Driving Quotes
“There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.”
Fishing Quotes
“I have a microwave fireplace in my house. The other night I laid down in front of the fire for the evening in two minutes.”
Houses Quotes
“I invented the cordless extension cord.”
Inventions Quotes
“The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.”
Jokes Quotes
“I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.”
Museums Quotes
“I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint, no canvas, I just think about it.”
Painting Quotes
“When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'”
Sleep Quotes
“Curiosity killed the cat, but for awhile I was a suspect.”
Cats Quotes
“I played a blank tape on full volume. The mime who lived next door complained. So I shot him with a gun with a silencer.”
Mimes Quotes
“Curiosity killed the cat, but for awhile I was a suspect.”
Society Quotes
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