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A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A conference is a gathering of important people who individually can't do anything but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A conservative is a politician who wants to keep what the liberals fought for a generation ago.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A conservative is a worshipper of dead radicals.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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Acquaintance: a person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A crisis is when you can't say: "let's forget the whole thing".
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A crumb from a winner's table is better than a feast from a loser's table!
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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Action may not always be happiness, but there is no happiness without action.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A customer in a bakery was observed carefully examining all the rich-looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass cases. When a clerk approached him and asked, "What would you like?" he answered, "I'd like that chocolate-covered, cream-filled doughnut, that jelly-filled doughnut and that cheese Danish."
Then with a sigh he added, "But I'll take an oat-bran muffin.".
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A cynic is someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A daddy was listening to his child say his prayer "Dear Harold," ........ At this, dad interrupted and said, "Wait a minute, "How come you called God, Harold? The little boy looked up and said, "That's what they call Him in church. You know the prayer we say, "Our Father, who art in Heaven, Harold be Thy name.".
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A dancer goes quick on her beautiful legs; a duck goes quack on her beautiful eggs.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A diplomatic husband said to his wife, "How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?".
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A disbelief in God does not result in a belief in nothing; disbelief in God usually results in a belief in anything.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be Gods!
A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a God!
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A dog who attends a flea circus most likely will steal the whole show.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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Adolescence and snow are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A drop of ink may make a million think.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A drunk mans' words are a sober mans' thoughts.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A Dutchman was explaining the red, white, and blue Netherlands flag to an American. "Our flag is symbolic of our taxes. We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bills, and blue after we pay them." The American nodded. "It's the same in the USA only we see stars too!".
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A face without freckles is like a sky without stars.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A fair face may fade, but a beautiful soul last forever.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A family came home from Church where the sermon was on Adam and Eve.
The Mother noticed the boy sitting on the bed feeling his ribs.She
asked what he was doing.He said, "I counted these things 3 times now. Ma ! I think I'm
having a wife.".
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A farmer learns more from a bad harvest than a good one.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying
books by the light of the fireplace."The son replied, "When Lincoln was your age, he was President.".
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." His son asked: "What happened to the flea?".
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A five year old boy was sitting down to eat when his mother asked him to pray for his meal. He replied, "Mom we don't have to. We prayed over this last night." His mother had prepared leftovers from the day before.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A five year old was discussing Noah's Ark with Grandma. Grandma asked, "How many animals went into the Ark?" The youngster replied: "One mail and one e-mail.".
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A flea and a fly in a flue
were imprisoned so what could they do?
Said the flea "let us fly"
said the fly" let us flee"
so they flew through a flaw in the flue.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A flying saucer was low on fuel, so it landed by a gas station on a lonely country road.On its side were the letters "UFO." The gas station attendant was stunned, but his curiosity got the best of him."Does that stand for Unidentified Flying Object?" he asked."No," one of the other-worldly travelers responds, "It stands for "Unleaded Fuel Only.".
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport."These hills are getting steeper as the years go by," one complained."These fairways seem to be getting longer too," wheezed a second."And somehow, the sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember 'em too,"
said the third.Hearing just about enough from his buddies, the oldest, and the wisest of the foursome at 87-years-old, piped up and said, "Oh my friends, just be thankful we're still on THIS side of the grass!".
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A French guest, staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some
pepper."Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge."Toilette
pepper!".
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A friend is one who knows who you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you become, and still gently invites you to grow.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A friend is someone that won't begin to talk behind your back when you leave the room.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A friend is someone who dances with you in the sunlight and walks beside you in the shadows.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A friend is someone who thinks you're a good egg even though you're slightly
cracked.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A friend to all is a friend to none.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside. The pastor said, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!" My friend said, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?" He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service.".
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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After all is said and done, more is said than done.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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After hearing two eyewitness accounts of the same accident, you begin to wonder about history.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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After the birth of their child, an Episcopal priest, wearing his clerical collar, visited his wife in the hospital. He greeted her with a hug and a kiss, and gave her another hug and kiss when he left.
Later, the wife's roommate commented: "Your pastor is sure friendlier than mine.".
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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After the government takes enough to balance the budget, the taxpayer has the job of budgeting the balance.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.
"Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night." "Have you tried counting
sheep?" "That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours
trying to find it.".
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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An adolescent is a person who acts like a baby when they aren't treated like an adult.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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