Unknown Quotes, Quotations, and Sayings

3,397 Famous Quotes by Unknown
“A flea and a fly in a flue were imprisoned so what could they do? Said the flea "let us fly" said the fly" let us flee" so they flew through a flaw in the flue.”
Cliches and one-liners Quotes
“A flying saucer was low on fuel, so it landed by a gas station on a lonely country road.On its side were the letters "UFO." The gas station attendant was stunned, but his curiosity got the best of him."Does that stand for Unidentified Flying Object?" he asked."No," one of the other-worldly travelers responds, "It stands for "Unleaded Fuel Only.".”
Cliches and one-liners Quotes
“A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport."These hills are getting steeper as the years go by," one complained."These fairways seem to be getting longer too," wheezed a second."And somehow, the sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember 'em too," said the third.Hearing just about enough from his buddies, the oldest, and the wisest of the foursome at 87-years-old, piped up and said, "Oh my friends, just be thankful we're still on THIS side of the grass!".”
Cliches and one-liners Quotes
“A French guest, staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some pepper."Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge."Toilette pepper!".”
Cliches and one-liners Quotes
“A friend is one who knows who you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you become, and still gently invites you to grow.”
Cliches and one-liners Quotes
“A friend is someone that won't begin to talk behind your back when you leave the room.”
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“A friend is someone who dances with you in the sunlight and walks beside you in the shadows.”
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“A friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.”
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“A friend is someone who thinks you're a good egg even though you're slightly cracked.”
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“A friend to all is a friend to none.”
Cliches and one-liners Quotes
“A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside. The pastor said, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!" My friend said, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?" He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service.".”
Cliches and one-liners Quotes
“After all is said and done, more is said than done.”
Cliches and one-liners Quotes
“After hearing two eyewitness accounts of the same accident, you begin to wonder about history.”
Cliches and one-liners Quotes
“After the birth of their child, an Episcopal priest, wearing his clerical collar, visited his wife in the hospital. He greeted her with a hug and a kiss, and gave her another hug and kiss when he left. Later, the wife's roommate commented: "Your pastor is sure friendlier than mine.".”
Cliches and one-liners Quotes
“After the government takes enough to balance the budget, the taxpayer has the job of budgeting the balance.”
Cliches and one-liners Quotes
“An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night." "Have you tried counting sheep?" "That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.".”
Cliches and one-liners Quotes
“An adolescent is a person who acts like a baby when they aren't treated like an adult.”
Cliches and one-liners Quotes
“An agnostic lay dying. He called his weeping child to his bedside and asked her to read to him the one text that hung on his wall. It contained a summary of his life's philosophy: GOD IS NOWHERE. The little girl began to read: "G-O-D: God; I-S: is; N-O-W: now; H-E-R-E: here. God is now here," she repeated. The mistake of the child led to her father's conversion.”
Cliches and one-liners Quotes
“An angry person is seldom reasonable; a reasonable person is seldom angry.”
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“An Apple a day keeps the doctor away.But . . . an onion a day keeps everyone away.”
Cliches and one-liners Quotes
“An army of deer led by a lion is more to be feared than an army of lions led by a deer.”
Cliches and one-liners Quotes
“A nearsighted minister glanced at the note that Mrs. Jones had sent to him by way of an usher. The note read: "Bill Jones having gone to sea, his wife desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety." Failing to observe the punctuation, the clergyman startled his audience by announcing: "Bill Jones, having gone to see his wife, desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety.".”
Cliches and one-liners Quotes
“An educational system isn't worth a great deal if it teaches young people how to make a living but doesn't teach them how to make a life.”
Cliches and one-liners Quotes
“An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.”
Cliches and one-liners Quotes
“An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.”
Cliches and one-liners Quotes
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