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An agnostic lay dying. He called his weeping child to his bedside and asked her to read to him the one text that hung on his wall. It contained a summary of his life's philosophy: GOD IS NOWHERE. The little girl began to read: "G-O-D: God; I-S: is; N-O-W: now; H-E-R-E: here. God is now here," she repeated. The mistake of the child led to her father's conversion.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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An angry person is seldom reasonable; a reasonable person is seldom angry.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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An Apple a day keeps the doctor away.But . . . an onion a day keeps
everyone away.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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An army of deer led by a lion is more to be feared than an army of lions led
by a deer.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A nearsighted minister glanced at the note that Mrs. Jones had sent to him by way of an usher. The note read: "Bill Jones having gone to sea, his wife desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety."
Failing to observe the punctuation, the clergyman startled his audience by announcing: "Bill Jones, having gone to see his wife, desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety.".
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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An educational system isn't worth a great deal if it teaches young people how to make a living but doesn't teach them how to make a life.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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An English professor announced to the class; "There are two words I don't allow in my class. One is gross and the other is cool."From the back of the room a voice called out, "....... so, what are the
words?".
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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An error doesn't become a mistake until you choose to ignore it.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
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A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the sky.Phychotic is the man who lives in it.And a psychiatrist collects the rent.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, "Read all about it. Fifty people swindled! Fifty people swindled!" Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page. Finding nothing, the man said, "There's nothing in here about fifty people being swindled." The newsboy ignored him and went on, calling out, "Read all about it. Fifty-one people swindled!".
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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Anger opens the mouth and shuts the mind.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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An Internal Revenue inspector walks into a synagogue and asks to see the rabbi. He is shown to the rabbi's office and is offered a seat. "Rabbi, I believe a member of your synagogue, Mr. Klutz, states on his tax return that he has donated $100,000 to the synagogue. Tell me, Rabbi, is this correct?" The Rabbi answers, "Yes, he will.".
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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An obstacle is something you see when you take your eyes off the goal.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
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An old-timer is someone who remembers every detail of their life story, but cannot remember how many times they have told the same person.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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An open mind does not always require an open mouth.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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An optimist believes we live in the best of all worlds.A pessimist fears this is true.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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An optimist laughs to forget, a pessimist forgets to laugh.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A note left for a pianist from his wife: "Gone Chopin, have Liszt, Bach in a Minuet.".
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance. - Nolan's / Peter's Placebo.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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Anybody who thinks talk is cheap never argued with a traffic cop.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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Any car will last a lifetime - if you are careless enough.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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Any man who laughs at women's clothes has never paid the bill for them.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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Anyone can make a mountain out of a molehill by throwing on more dirt.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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Anyone who has time to look for a 4- leaf clover needs to find one.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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Anyone who thinks that they are too small to make a difference, has never been in bed with a mosquito.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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Anything labeled "New" and/or "Improved" is not: the label means the price went up.The label "All new" or "Completely new" means the price went way up.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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Anything that can be changed will be changed until there is no time left to change anything.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
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A parishioner had undergone a serious operation and was still under the
influence of the sedative when the vicar came, so the vicar just said a
prayer and left. The next day he returned and asked the patient if he had
been aware of his visit. "I vaguely remember your visit yesterday. I
remember opening my eyes and thinking 'I can't be in Heaven because
there is the vicar'.".
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
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A pastor was giving a lesson to a group of children on the 23rd Psalm. He noticed that one of the little boys seemed disquieted by the phrase "Surely, goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life...""What's wrong with that, Johnny?" the pastor asked."Well," answered Johnny, "I understand about having goodness and mercy, for God is good. But I'm not sure I'd like Shirley following me around all the time.".
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A penny saved is a penny earned, and a penny spent, is a penny enjoyed.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A penny will hide the biggest star in the universe if you hold it close enough to your eye.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A perfect guest is one who makes his host feel at home.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A person can fail many times, but they are not really a failure until they start to blame someone else.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A person is getting along the road to wisdom when they begin to realize that their opinion is just another opinion.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A person is grown up not when they can take care of themselves, but when they can take care of others.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A person of words and not deeds is like a garden full of weeds.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A person's character and their garden both reflect the amount of weeding that was done during the growing season.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A person without knowledge of his history is like a tree without roots.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A person who can speak many languages is not necessarily more valuable than a person who can listen in one.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A person who makes no mistakes, generally makes nothing.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A pessimist is someone who looks at the land of milk and honey and sees only calories and cholesterol.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to
arrest your own mother?" He said, "Call for backup.".
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A politician is a person who can make waves and then make you think they are the only one who can save the ship.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A politician will find an excuse to get out of anything, except office.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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A poor report card has one good thing in its favor: at least you know the student is not cheating.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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Bacteria: the only culture some people have.
Topic: Cliches and One-Liners
Source: None
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