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 Woody Allen Quotes
74 Famous Quotes by Woody Allen
12/1/1935 - (Present)
Also Known As:  
Allan Stewart Konigsberg     Allen Konigsberg     Allen Stewart Konigsberg
Professions:  
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About Woody Allen

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

Government Quotes, by Woody Allen

5 out of 5 stars
3 votes

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Art Quotes, by Woody Allen

5 out of 5 stars
1 votes

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Cheating Quotes, by Woody Allen

5 out of 5 stars
2 votes

The best way to find your perfect match is to meet love halfway.

Dating Quotes, by Woody Allen

5 out of 5 stars
1 votes

The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last year.

Economy Quotes, by Woody Allen

5 out of 5 stars
1 votes

Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

Education Quotes, by Woody Allen

5 out of 5 stars
2 votes

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

Immortality Quotes, by Woody Allen

5 out of 5 stars
1 votes

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

Sex Quotes, by Woody Allen

4 out of 5 stars
3 votes

Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

Literature Quotes, by Woody Allen

4 out of 5 stars
1 votes

A woman's appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her intelligence, eight times

Sex Quotes, by Woody Allen

4 out of 5 stars
2 votes

If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe.

Inspirational Quotes, by Woody Allen

4 out of 5 stars
1 votes

Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions

Sex Quotes, by Woody Allen

3 out of 5 stars
3 votes

Eternity is really long, especially near the end

Eternity Quotes, by Woody Allen

3 out of 5 stars
1 votes

Innovation is the ability to see change as an opportunity - not a threat

Innovation Quotes, by Woody Allen

3 out of 5 stars
2 votes

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.

Suffering Quotes, by Woody Allen

3 out of 5 stars
3 votes

How to make God laugh: Tell him your future plans.

God Quotes, by Woody Allen

3 out of 5 stars
2 votes

What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours.

Universe Quotes, by Woody Allen

3 out of 5 stars
3 votes

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

Life Quotes, by Woody Allen

1 out of 5 stars
1 votes

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you. •Woody Allen At the end of the game the king and the pawn go back in the same box. •Italian Proverb Life is a great surprise. I don't see why death should not be an even greater one. •Vladimir Nabokov Dear World, I am leaving because I am bored. I feel I have lived long enough. I am leaving you with your worries in this sweet cesspool. Good luck. •George Sanders, his suicide note There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval. •Santayana Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh. •George Bernard Shaw Do not go gentle into that good night. Old age should burn and rave at close of day. Rage, rage against the dying of the light. •Dylan Thomas To live is to dream and to die is to awaken. •Anonymous We sometimes congratulate ourselves at the moment of waking from a troubled dream; it may be so at the moment after death. •Nathaniel Hawthorne All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. •Anatole France We are bound to our bodies like an oyster is to its shell. •Plato Dying is like getting out of a car. You leave a shell behind, but you're the same person as ever. •President Klein The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy . What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly. •Richard Bach If there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life. •Albert Camus We do not know what to do with this short life, yet we yearn for another that will be eternal. •Anatole France I'm the one who has to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life, the way I want to. •Jimi Hendrix The real malady is fear of life, not of death.

Death Quotes, by Woody Allen

1 out of 5 stars
1 votes

If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children".

Advice Quotes, by Woody Allen

0 out of 5 stars
0 votes

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.

Comedy Quotes, by Woody Allen

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I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me

Goodness Quotes, by Woody Allen

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I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife

Infidelity Quotes, by Woody Allen

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If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job

Movies Quotes, by Woody Allen

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If it wasn't for dogs, some people would never go for a walk.

People Quotes, by Woody Allen

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