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Quotes, Sayings, and Proverbs
 Woody Allen Quotes
74 Famous Quotes by Woody Allen
12/1/1935 - (Present)
Also Known As:  
Allan Stewart Konigsberg     Allen Konigsberg     Allen Stewart Konigsberg
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About Woody Allen

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Death / immortality Quotes, by Woody Allen

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It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Death / immortality Quotes, by Woody Allen

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On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.

Death / immortality Quotes, by Woody Allen

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There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?.

Death / immortality Quotes, by Woody Allen

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Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Finance and economics Quotes, by Woody Allen

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Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.

Melancholy Quotes, by Woody Allen

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If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

Negativity Quotes, by Woody Allen

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I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.

Perspective Quotes, by Woody Allen

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We would often be sorry if our wishes were gratified.

Perspective Quotes, by Woody Allen

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Not only is there no God, but trying getting a plumber on weekends.

Society Quotes, by Woody Allen

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Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who cannot remember where they left things.

Universe Quotes, by Woody Allen

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There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

Universe Quotes, by Woody Allen

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I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

Universe Quotes, by Woody Allen

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The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

Universe Quotes, by Woody Allen

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A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.

Miscellaneous Quotes, by Woody Allen

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I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.

Miscellaneous Quotes, by Woody Allen

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Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

Miscellaneous Quotes, by Woody Allen

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There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

Miscellaneous Quotes, by Woody Allen

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Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.

Miscellaneous Quotes, by Woody Allen

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The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind -- a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.

Miscellaneous Quotes, by Woody Allen

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Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

Miscellaneous Quotes, by Woody Allen

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I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Miscellaneous Quotes, by Woody Allen

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Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.

Miscellaneous Quotes, by Woody Allen

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If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.

Miscellaneous Quotes, by Woody Allen

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