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Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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Give according to your income, lest God will make your income like your giving.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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Give God what's right, not what's left!
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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7/5th of all people do not understand fractions.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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43% of all statistics are worthless.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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668: The Neighbour of the Beast.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.1000 A.D. - That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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A baby sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out
acting like teenagers.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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A banker is someone who lends you an umbrella when the sun is shining, and who
asks for it back when it start to rain.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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A bicycle can't stand on its own because it's two-tired.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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Ability can take you to the top, but it takes character to keep you there.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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Ability is what you're capable of doing...Motivation determines what you do...Attitude determines how well you do it.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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A bird does not sing because it has an answer -- it sings because it has a song.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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A boy, frustrated with all the rules he had to follow, asked his father, "Dad, how soon will I be old enough to do as I please?" The father answered immediately, "I don't know. Nobody has lived that long yet.".
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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A brook would lose its song if God removed the rocks.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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A budget is something we go without to stay within.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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A camel is a horse designed by a committee.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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A candle brightens the world around it. Unfortunately, it creates a shadow of its own. It still serves the purpose it is meant for.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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A candidate is someone who gets money from the rich and votes from the poor to protect them from each other.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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A careless word may kindle strife.A cruel word may wreck a life.A timely
word may level stress.A loving word may heal and bless.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognised.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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A certain man had invited the pastor and his wife for dinner, and it was
little Joey's job to set the table. But when it came time to eat, Joey's mother said with surprise, "Why didn't you give Mrs. Brown a knife and fork dear?". "I didn't think I needed to," Joey explained, "I heard Daddy say she always eats like a horse.".
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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A child will perform from their mind for their coach/teacher, but for a parent they perform from their heart.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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A cigarette is a pinch of tobacco, wrapped in paper, fire at one end, fool at the other.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody has.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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A clergyman had just enjoyed a hearty chicken dinner at the home of a rural parishioner. Gazing out the window, he remarked: "That rooster seems a mighty proud and happy bird.""He should," the host replied. "His oldest son just entered the ministry.".
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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A closed mind is a good thing to lose.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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A college professor asked his class a question. If Philadelphia is 100 miles from New York and Chicago is 1000 miles from Philadelphia and Los Angles is 2000 miles from Chicago, how old am I.One student in the back of the class raised his hand and when called upon said "Professor your 44.." The Professor said "you're absolutely correct, but tell me how did you arrive at the answer so quickly?" The student said. "You see professor I have a brother, he's 22 and he's half nuts.".
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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A Committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but as a group decide that nothing can be done.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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A computer is almost human - except that it does not blame its mistakes on another computer.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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A conference is a gathering of important people who individually can't do anything but together can decide that nothing can be done.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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A conservative is a politician who wants to keep what the liberals fought for a generation ago.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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A conservative is a worshipper of dead radicals.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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Acquaintance: a person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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A crisis is when you can't say: "let's forget the whole thing".
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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A crumb from a winner's table is better than a feast from a loser's table!
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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Action may not always be happiness, but there is no happiness without action.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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A customer in a bakery was observed carefully examining all the rich-looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass cases. When a clerk approached him and asked, "What would you like?" he answered, "I'd like that chocolate-covered, cream-filled doughnut, that jelly-filled doughnut and that cheese Danish."
Then with a sigh he added, "But I'll take an oat-bran muffin.".
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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A cynic is someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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A daddy was listening to his child say his prayer "Dear Harold," ........ At this, dad interrupted and said, "Wait a minute, "How come you called God, Harold? The little boy looked up and said, "That's what they call Him in church. You know the prayer we say, "Our Father, who art in Heaven, Harold be Thy name.".
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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A dancer goes quick on her beautiful legs; a duck goes quack on her beautiful eggs.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight.
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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A diplomatic husband said to his wife, "How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?".
Author: Unknown
Source: None
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