World Of Quotes

Quotes, Sayings, and Proverbs
 Funny Quotes, Quotations, and Sayings
33 Funny Quotes

I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.

Robert McCloskey Quotes

5 out of 5 stars
1 votes

I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was "You'll never find anyone like me again!" I'm thinking, "I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you."

Oscar Wilde Quotes

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2 votes

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself.

Ethel Barrymore Quotes

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2 votes

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

Mae West Quotes

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1 votes

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure

Victor Borge Quotes

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1 votes

I speak two languages, Body and English.

Mae West Quotes

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1 votes

I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect.

Oscar Wilde Quotes

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4 votes

Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.

Oscar Wilde Quotes

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3 votes

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

Jack Handey Quotes

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8 votes

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

Oscar Wilde Quotes

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1 votes

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back

Janeane Garofalo Quotes

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1 votes

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

Josh Groban Quotes

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It is better to be beautiful than to be good, but it is better to be good than to be ugly.

Oscar Wilde Quotes

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I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.

Oscar Wilde Quotes

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In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.

Oscar Wilde Quotes

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By persistently remaining single a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.

Oscar Wilde Quotes

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This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

Oscar Wilde Quotes

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Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

Oscar Wilde Quotes

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A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

Oscar Wilde Quotes

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Life is one fool thing after another whereas love is two fool things after each other.

Oscar Wilde Quotes

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Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot.

Oscar Wilde Quotes

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I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

Winston Churchill Quotes

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Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

Douglas Adams Quotes

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You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'

Tommy Cooper Quotes

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Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

Benny Hill Quotes

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