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I have a fine sense of the ridiculous, but no sense of humour.
Author: Edward Albee
Source: Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (act I)
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The gods too are fond of a joke.
Author: Edward Albee
Source: Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (act I)
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Unconscious humor.
Author: Samuel Butler (1)
Source: Life and Habit
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Humor has justly been regarded as the finest perfection of poetic
genius.
Author: Thomas Carlyle
Source: Essays-Schiller
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In the end, everything is a gag.
Author: Thomas Carlyle
Source: Essays-Schiller
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Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion
that he is trying to be funny.
Author: Thomas Carlyle
Source: Essays-Schiller
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I never dare to write
As funny as I can.
Author: Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
Source: The Height of the Ridiculous
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Humor distorts nothing, and only false gods are laughed off their
earthly pedestals.
Author: Agnes Repplier
Source: Points of View
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Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
Author: Agnes Repplier
Source: Points of View
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Now I perceive the devil understands Welsh.
And 'tis no marvel he is so humorous.
By'r Lady, he is a good musician.
Author: William Shakespeare
Source: King Henry the Fourth, Part I (Hotspur at III, i)
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There's the humour of it.
Author: William Shakespeare
Source: The Merry Wives of Windsor (I, i), inserted by Theobald from the quarto
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Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it
ceases to be serious when people laugh.
Author: George Bernard Shaw
Source: The Doctor's Dilemma
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My way of joking is to tell the truth. It is the funniest joke
in the world.
Author: George Bernard Shaw
Source: John Bull's Other Island (act II)
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Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing.
Author: Jack Handey
Source: None
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I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality.
Author: Jack Handey
Source: None
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To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.
Author: Jack Handey
Source: None
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Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.
Author: Jack Handey
Source: None
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Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the person's house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of its head with a note that says 'You.' After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.
Author: Jack Handey
Source: None
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If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.
Author: Jack Handey
Source: None
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If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is 'God is crying.' And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is 'Probably because of something you did.'
Author: Jack Handey
Source: None
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One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh, no,' I said, 'Disneyland burned down.' He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.
Author: Jack Handey
Source: None
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If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.
Author: Jack Handey
Source: None
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If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
Author: Jack Handey
Source: None
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Once while walking through the mall a guy came up to me and said, 'Hey, how's it going?' So I grabbed his arm and twisted it up behind his head and said 'Now who's asking the questions?'
Author: Jack Handey
Source: None
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Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays? Maybe you'll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway; that's my point.
Author: Jack Handey
Source: None
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I love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know I'm using blanks.
Author: Jack Handey
Source: None
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Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.
Author: Jack Handey
Source: None
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To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, 'Hey, can you give me a hand?' you can say, 'Sorry, got these sacks.'
Author: Jack Handey
Source: None
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I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver…and since he is so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him real quick and give it to him.
Author: Jack Handey
Source: None
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If you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny.
Author: Jack Handey
Source: None
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If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic.
Author: Jack Handey
Source: None
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Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.
Author: Jack Handey
Source: None
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I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it.
Author: Jack Handey
Source: None
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If they ever come up with a swashbuckling school, I think one of the courses should be laughing, then jumping off something.
Author: Jack Handey
Source: None
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If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.
Author: Jack Handey
Source: None
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A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. 'Hear that?' you say, 'That's dynamite, baby.'
Author: Jack Handey
Source: None
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If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like 'Hey, look. He's carrying a soldering iron!' and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, 'That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice.' Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice.
Author: Jack Handey
Source: None
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Many people think that history is a dull subject. Dull? Is it 'dull' that Jesse James once got bitten on the forehead by an ant, and at first it didn't seem like anything, but then the bite got worse and worse, so he went to a doctor in town, and the secretary told him to wait, so he sat down and waited, and waited, and waited, and waited, and then finally he got to see the doctor, and the doctor put some salve on it? You call that dull?
Author: Jack Handey
Source: None
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Wit is cultured insolence.
Author: Aristotle
Source: None
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Folks that blurt out just what they think wouldn't be so bad if they thought.
Author: Kin Hubbard
Source: None
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Humour has justly been regarded as the finest perfection of poetic genius.
Author: Thomas Carlyle
Source: None
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Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.
Author: Mark Twain
Source: None
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Those who are serious in ridiculous matters will be ridiculous in serious matters.
Author: Cato the Elder
Source: None
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We never respect those who amuse us, however we may smile at their comic powers.
Author: Marguerite Gardiner
Source: None
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A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.
Author: George Eliot
Source: None
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The real reason for comedy is to hide the pain.
Author: Wendy Wasserstein
Source: None
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A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents.
Author: Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
Source: None
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Humor is an affirmation of dignity, a declaration of man's superiority to all that befalls him.
Author: Romain Gary
Source: None
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The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.
Author: George Jean Nathan
Source: None
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Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.
Author: Unknown Author
Source: None
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